Face Your Dragons And Become The True Manager of Your Life

Long before I became a Muslimah, I used to call myself a "goth". If you don't know what that is, imagine a 13 year old girl with thick black eyeliner, a Vampirefreaks profile full of pictures with upside down crosses drawn under our eyes and long, black and deep red gowns.

Man, that clothing was expensive!

I was exploring my identity and trying to find a place where I belonged.

(I also think it was just an excuse to dress up like a princess... But I would never have admitted that, I was too "deep and mature" for that, snort)

I always say my goth phase has set me up for being able to withstand the pressure and judgment after becoming a *GASP* Muslimah...

Post 9/11 it wasn't that self-evident to become a member of the Islamic faith.

My parents are pretty open-minded (for that generation...) alhamdulilaah, but it still wasn't a walk in the park in the beginning.

Ok Amaani nice, you went from black clothes to .. black clothes, but why are you taking me on a trip to your teenage years?

It's a prelude to what I love to teach my clients: to explore all parts of themselves.

The parts that make you feel sad.

The parts that make you feel ashamed.

The parts that make you feel scared.

The parts that make you feel unworthy.

I was drawn to the gothic subculture because it made me feel connected to my internal melancholy (and vanity but that's not the topic now lol), and allowed me to frequently write about the darker feelings that come with being human.

Because it made me conscious of the fact that life has an ending, as there was a lot of photography and poetry around the topic of death.

And if there's an ending, then what is the meaning? (rhetorical question of course. But living in meaning is really the answer to each and every problem...)

It wasn't about longing for death or depression, but there was definitely a rebellion against the idea that this life is all there is.

I even tried to make myself believe in fairies at some point. I didn't believe, but wanted to so badly.

You do, you really do.

As long as you're scared of the intense feelings, you're not reaching your full Tawakkul potential, that's for one.

Secondly, all parts of you need to be seen in order to become the manager of all those parts successfully.

Imagine you had a company with lots of divisions and employees, and there were 2 divisions you never visited or requested intel from.

And every time they tried to contact you, you quickly shut them down and ignored them.

Due to that, they are never properly managed.

What's going to happen? Your company will struggle and you won't understand why.

You won't be able to redirect and problem-solve.

It's the same if you don't take by the means to understand yourself.

Your relationships, your goals, your mental health and your 'ibadah can be maximized with the highest quality if you master the art of emotional consciousness and processing.

I get anxiety thinking I'm sending you on your way whilst understanding me the wrong way, this is not an invitation to actively dig for sad thoughts or sad poems like I used to do as a gloomy teenager.

The point of this blog post is to help you understand that no planner, course, inspirational influencer, or self-help book is going to make a significant difference in your well-being and purpose in this world, if it's not accompanied by the ability to see yourself.

Truly see yourself and hold yourself.

And if you can do that.. You're clearing the way for a closer bond with Allaah 'azza wa djalla.

That's what I see in my clients over and over. As their ability to sit with their shame, fears and negative core beliefs increases, so does their trust in Allah.

Instead of going straight into all the amazing tools and strategies available to us both from a Deen and psychology perspective - we learn to hold ourselves first.

If you wonder why you haven't been able to heal and feel better about yourself and your life by now, you just discovered a piece of the puzzle bi idhni Llaah ta'aala.