A Muslim Woman's Confidence (vs. Delusion)
I need to ask you something. When do you know you're good enough?
The question that keeps us in so much chaos internally...
When you feel good enough you're in that space where you believe you deserve good things, not as a form of entitlement but looking more like not sabotaging your own happiness...
Where you aren't reactive when someone dislikes you or invalidates you or expresses distrusting your take...
Where you are appreciative of your unique self and aren't constantly failing at the standards you've set for yourself...
Where you have the ability to cultivate empathy for yourself and make choices for yourself out of empathy and kindness...)
The truth is everything is within our own perception.
We’re trying to avoid delusion so we don’t make mistakes
Since being overly confident bordering on arrogant is a mistake that will cost us dearly (and alhamdulilah you're intelligent and understand this)
We don’t want to live thinking we’re the best parent ever only to end up with adult children who were never allowed to give feedback and now hate us, right?
Or make financial decisions that are built on the blind faith that things always go well for us because it’s us
Or be a spouse that thinks their decisions and ideas are always valid and the other person’s aren’t because they’re inferior somehow...
So I get it, your self-criticism is a way to keep you safe from losing people or opportunities due to self-delusion (and hating yourself for it).
“better safe than sorry”
But the problem is when you think normal and healthy self-love and confidence is bordering on delusion.
The problem is when you feel like having boundaries and not being what someone else wants you to be is bordering on evil.
Let's do a small but profound exercise.
Do yourself a favor and scan yourself for 2 days where you are in contact with others:
Do you feel strange when you have to ask someone for help? Like you're too much
Do you feel guilty for not doing something for someone that’s just not a priority right now?
Do your friendships have vague boundaries and tense feelings of obligation?
Do you feel bitterness or resentment inside towards others doing what’s good for them?
Do you have a hard time when your children need you but feel important when someone you see as higher than you asks for your help or opinion?
These are some examples of what it may look like when you’re estimating yourself too low.
And as a result believe it is a reason to accept suboptimal behavior towards yourself;
Or to downplay your own needs;
Or to feel little motivation to take care of yourself;
Or to subconsciously ignore positive experiences and magnify negative ones... (the list goes on)
There are better ways to feel safe, that do not squash your ability to thrive!
If you need support in building confidence that is all about feeling and choosing healthy and not about self-admiration, click the image above and shoot me a DM.
Or:
May Allaah soften you in the right ways and harden you in the right areas.
Love, Amaani
About me
Assalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullaah! I'm Amaani, your Islamic highest wellness coach and content writer. Passionate about Muslimah mental health from an Akhirah perspective!
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